Jerry's Unintentional Humor

In this revealing photo, Tinky Winky attempts to indoctrinate a fellow Teletubby into the homosexual lifestyle.
A Tribute to Jerry Falwell

Jerry Falwell provided many of us with some of the greatest unintentional humor. Some of his statements were so outrageous that they became a self-parody.
Let me remind you of some of them:
*Jerry decided that the purple Teletubby was gay. "He is purple, the gay-pride color-- and his antenna is shaped like a triangle, the gay-pride symbol." Stores nationwide reported selling out of the now outed "gay" Teletubby.
*Jerry informed his congregation that the anti-Christ was living now on earth and was getting ready to unveil his nefarious plan. He did provide two strong clues to the identity of Jesus' arch-enemy--"The anti-Christ is male and is a Jew." Although this could include everybody from Henry Kissinger to Jerry Seinfeld, it at least gives us enough information of whom to be suspicious of.
*Jerry loves you but you're going to Hell anyway. "While I am a strong supporter of the State of Israel and dearly love the Jewish people and believe them to be the chosen people of God, I continue to stand on the foundational biblical principle that all people ... Baptists, Methodists, Pentecostals, Jews, Muslims, etc. must believe in the Lord Jesus Christ in order to enter heaven." Jerry gets you all warm and fuzzy and then really lets you down.
*Jerry put 9-11 in the proper perspective for all Americans. He figured out exactly why it happened. "I really believe that the pagans and the abortionist and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.' " 9-11 was apparently God's revenge against Americans for their sinful behavior and refusal to allow America to be turned into a theocracy.
Thanks for the laughs Jerry.

A New Challenge For Teachers Nationwide

In this photo captured in a typical schoolroom in 1964, Bobby, impatient to get home to listen to his rock 'n' roll 45's, brings a record player to class to get his instant music fix. The teacher doesn't seem to mind since Bobby was courteous enough to put on giant headphones.

A new challenge is confronting teachers all over America.
Students have determined that they have the absolute right to listen to music in school, anytime and anywhere. Facilitated by the hand-held device, the IPOD, students now have hundreds of songs available at the touch of a tiny screen as it travels through miniature ear buds offering full fidelity and musical reproduction. What started out to be a lunch/recess thing has evolved into students demanding that they be able to listen at any time--especially in the classroom. Through lectures, videos, discussions, tests--just ask any teacher and they will tell you the responses when they daily catch students immersed in their own little music world:
"It makes me learn better," "It helps me do better on tests," "What do you care? I'm not bothering you!" Those teachers who have banned the devices find they must deal with continual student attempts at disguising the players.
1. Teachers are now banning students wearing hoods as the earbud devices were easily concealed under them.
2. Girls and Guys with long hair covering their ears are harder to detect, but the white wires (an IPOD exclusive) going down their neck are a giveaway. Many have actually gone to black wires which are harder to identify.

This brings us to the newest method which actually worked for a while. The standard "bored student" pose seemed very innocent and typical. However, when asking students to remove their hand from their head, reveals, that the bored hand is camouflaging one earpiece.

I personally like to hear stereo music with both channels that it was intended for and not just one-half of the information.

That is why I am so glad that teachers in the 1960's were just so understanding and allowed us to drag in our record players, set them up and listen to our music through humongous headphones while class was in session.

ZOTZ! A Tribute to Tom Poston

ZOTZ! A Tribute to Tom Poston

You most likely remember him as a regular on "The Bob Newhart Show." Or if you really go back, he was part of the comedy support team on Steve Allen's shows. He was a character actor who appeared in numerous movies and TV shows.

He always played a really nice guy. I met him once. He WAS a very nice guy--on and off screen.

We will all miss his wonderful sense of comedic timing.

My most precious memory of him is in a film he starred in 1962 called "ZOTZ!"

Unless you are an early-mid baby boomer, you probably never heard of it. It's never been shown on TV. It was on home video only in the early 80's. It's not on DVD. This usually indicates some kind of rights dispute.

The movie is about a professor who discovers an ancient coin. There were some combinations--and I don't remember them exactly. If he was just holding it and said ZOTZ!, people would suddenly be in slow motion. If he just pointed his finger when holding it, they would be in pain. And if he pointed his finger and said ZOTZ!--they were done for.

The movie came out with a huge advertising campaign that they had replica ZOTZ! coins to give away. One of the greatest disappointments in my life was when I arrived at the legendary Granada Theater on Sheridan Road in Chicago and found out that they were all gone.

Nonetheless, playing ZOTZ! in the Kilmer Elementary School yard was even better than the video games that didn't exist yet. I remember all of the boys loved to play ZOTZ! But the girls refused. They thought it was stupid.

Anybody else out there ever play ZOTZ! ???

Che is More Popular Than Sanjaya

In one day last week, I saw three young folks in different places wearing a t-shirt with the famous portrait of Che Guevera.
It made me wonder, do they have the slightest idea who they are celebrating in public?
They probably know that he was a Latin-American revolutionary and his spirit lives on as a symbol for all those who are downtrodden and oppressed.
But do they know this?
*Che personally ordered the execution of hundreds of political dissidents--folks that didn't agree with his style of liberation.
*If Fidel Castro had allowed Che to personally handle the Cuban Missile Crisis, Che would have ordered nuclear missile strikes on every major U.S. city within reach, regardless of the consequences of global annihilation.
*The thing that Che would not have allowed in his new Communist paradises he was trying to create--the wearing of t-shirts with anybody's picture on it. Citizens would have been required to wear some uniform drab and plain piece of clothing to demonstrate their new equality.
If Che was alive today, would he be suing for royalties on everything that bears his picture? Most likely.

How Come This Massacre Never Received Much Press?

MAY 2004–U.S. Troops in Iraq Massacre 40 Iraq people at a Wedding Party in the Desert filled with Men, Women and Children. Included are the Bride and Groom and their Families.

The U.S. Government responds that it was not a wedding party–but a festive meeting of terrorists. “Even Bad People Have Celebrations” is the U.S. Government’s only comment and they promise a full and complete investigation.

That never happens. I have been waiting. You haven’t because you either never heard about this or you just shrugged it off. After all. they are just a bunch of Iraqis.

Follow-ups by major organizations like the Associated Press and the New York Times reveal that this was a Wedding complete with pictures of those once celebrating (including the band) who were now all dead.

Americans–your ethnocentricity is reprehensible.

What if Beaver Cleaver said “F*** off Eddie?”

I recently told a class of seniors that from kindergarten through eighth grade, I NEVER ONCE heard the “F” word said by any student. They all laughed hysterically and said that they didn’t believe me. I reiterated that from 1958-1966, I never heard it at any time and as a matter of fact, had a student said it, a dozen other kids would have run to the principal’s office and proudly squealed. The student would have wound up in some juvenile facility.

The discussion eventually turned to the TV show, “Leave it to Beaver.” Just about everybody had seen it a few times. Most students believed that it is some highly exaggerated nostalgic sitcom. I told them that it was an “accurate reflection of America” during the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. More laughter and disbelief. “People couldn’t have acted like that!” “Yes they did. I was there. It shows the social mannerisms of Americans during this time.”

I now get to hear the “F” word at school on the average every 2-3 minutes. In class, outside of class, at lunch, it doesn’t really matter.

And it extends outside of school. Whether you are at the shopping mall, a sporting event or walking down the streets of America, the chances are, you are going to hear it in one of its many forms–as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb or many distinctive possibilities.
This has become especially apparent since the release of the motion picture “Meet the Fockers.” If you are a baby boomer, did you ever dream that you would see a giant ad for the film from a major American motion picture company plastered on the side of a city bus?

The movie from 2004 gave the go-ahead for all Americans to include the word in their daily vocabulary and be able to experience a naughty giggle at the same time.
Apparently nobody cares anymore. They have become immune.

I have a Discipline Sheet to fill-out with various infractions.
One of them is for “Excessive Profanity.” There are no boxes to check for “Profanity.”

You all remember Eddie Haskell, Wally’s friend. He was always making fun of “the Beaver.” And in Beaver’s most courageous moment, he might respond, “Get lost Eddie.” What if Beaver Cleaver said “F*** off Eddie!” These days most Americans would probably cheer him on.

George W.C. Fields Bush

“A year ago my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my vice-president had shot someone,” “Ah,”those were the good ol’ days” chimed our glorious President at a dinner last night that had the audience in stitches.

The wit of George W. Bush has me wondering about my favorite all-time stand-up comedy Presidents.

There was Richard Nixon and his hilarious retort to Henry Kissinger when the Senate was about to start formal impeachment proceedings against him. “Henry, can you start praying to that Jewish God of yours? I need any help I can get!”
Who can forget that classic line on December 7, 1941 uttered by Franklin Roosevelt? “I thought you told me that they can only make transistor radios!”
Even Honest Abe was known for his awesome one-liners. “The trouble with the South is the people sound like they all have banjos shoved down their throats.”

However, no President can compete with the hilarity that percolates from our fearless leader, George W. Bush.

As he entertained Washington’s finest journalists and broadcasters, parents around America received a knock on the door–followed by a solemn message that their children had died in a far away land. A place to which George W. is fully committed to–at least until a few weeks before the November elections in 2008.
Why aren’t more of you protesting this abomination of an administration?