The tall man and the short portly man

STRANGE THINGS #8
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
In 1984, I went down to the legendary MGM Studios to see an advanced screening of a movie called "Garbo Talks."
15 minutes after the film started, I noticed a tall man and a short portly man coming in late down my row to 2 seats that were available near me. They were just shadows and were not adjusted yet to the change in lighting perception. The tall man stepped on my foot unintentionally while trying to get through and said "excuse me," I looked up and said "no problem." When I looked up I realized that the tall man was Burt Reynolds and the short man was his best friend Dom DeLuise. I found the situation to be quite a funny surprise. Upon leaving the theater, I went up and talked to him, realizing that we might not meet again. He was very friendly.
 
 

I AM VERY PROUD TO SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN ATTACKING PERVERT BILL O'REILLY

I AM VERY PROUD TO SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN ATTACKING PERVERT BILL O'REILLY ON ANOTHER WEBSITE I OWN FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS REGARDING HIS TREATMENT OF WOMEN WHICH HE AND THE CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION FOX NEWS HAVE BEEN COVERING UP BY PAYING OFF LAWSUITS NON-STOP. THE PHOTO IS FROM MY WEBSITE. I GUESS WITH SO MUCH OUT THERE, IT TOOK THE NEW YORK TIMES FOR PEOPLE TO FINALLY NOTICE. CLICK ON PICTURE TO SEE THE ENTIRE LENGTH OF IT.

PEPSI CO. PRESS RELEASE


PEPSI CO. PRESS RELEASE

With the incredible response to Kendall Jenner's “PROTEST” commercial, the Pepsi Co. released today two new commercials starring the Kardashian-Jenner international model that depicts her in a time-travel protest scenario related to a famous American event. “I just love American history. And I love the late 1960's,” said the voluptuous 21-year old. “I've always wanted to go back and be part of the 60's and now the Pepsi Co. has allowed me to do just that!” The Pepsi Co. selected two famous events related to Kent State in May 1970. “America was a happening place at the time,” said a Pepsi Co. executive. “With that whole Vietnam thing going down and the student protesters and everything, we have re-imagined what would have happened had Kendall Jenner been there to calm everybody down by offering a Pepsi!” Kendall Jenner was so excited during the authentic filming. “They even used a Pepsi can from that time and I was really grooving on the Jimi Hendrix music used in the ad.”

Charo Ages Backwards.



When I was 16 in 1969, my generation's only exposure to Las Vegas style entertainment was when we would watch the Jerry Lewis Telethon every year. And every year, a flamboyant singer and dancer named Charo would come out and entertain. She looked about 28, and as she was born in 1941, this made sense. That made her 12 years older than me. The most incredible thing has happened since then. Charo, who recently appeared on "Dancing With The Stars" claims that she is now 66 and born in 1951. So now she has become only 2 years older than me. That means that when I was 16, she was only 18

STRANGE THINGS #7

STRANGE THINGS #7
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life. At about age 8, my mother and I went to downtown Chicago one late fall Saturday afternoon. By 6:00, it was dark and we were strolling by a street level underground subway entrance/exit. An older man with white hair had just climbed up the last few stairs and it was obvious he was very confused as to where he was. He was mumbling to himself, was looking all over the streets and signs and clearly was lost. Both my mother and I stood there in total shock and didn't say a word. This was not any man, this was Jimmy Durante. My parent's generation knew the comedian, singer and personality from the movies when they were young. My generation only knew him from his numerous TV appearances. His unique style and funny voice was like having a really funny grandpa. This was around 1961, so I believe he would have been about 68 then. It was such a surprise and we figured nobody would believe us so we just didn't mention it. 
 
 

YOU SHOULD BE ENRAGED.

YOU SHOULD BE ENRAGED. YOUR PRESIDENT AND HIS PUPPETS HAD MADE SOME LAST MINUTE CHANGES TO THEIR NEW HEALTH CARE BILL. YOU SHOULD NEVER FORGET THIS AND NEVER VOTE FOR A REPUBLICAN EVER AGAIN EXCEPT FOR MAYBE SEWER INSPECTOR.
AND THAT'S A MAYBE.

THE CHANGES DROPPED THE REQUIREMENTS THAT HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES HAD TO COVER THE FOLLOWING:
HOSPITALIZATION
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS
LABORATORY/DIAGNOSTIC TESTING
OUTPATIENT CARE
PREGNANCY
MENTAL HEALTH
PREVENTATIVE SERVICES
MATERNITY/NEWBORN CARE
WELLNESS SERVICES
REHABILITATION
PEDIATRIC CARE
SUBSTANCE ABUSE TREATMENT
EMERGENCY SERVICES

DID THEY LEAVE ANYTHING OUT? DID THEY FORGET ANYTHING THAT HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES WOULDN'T HAVE TO COVER ANYMORE?

THEY SHOULD HAVE ADDED:
VISITS TO THE DOCTOR
ANY SERVICES PROVIDED BY A DOCTOR OR STAFF

THEY SHOULD HAVE JUST SUBMITTED A BILL THAT SAID "THE ONLY SERVICE REQUIRED TO BE PAID FOR BY A HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY IS A GET WELL CARD SENT TO THE PATIENT."

THE FACT THAT YOUR PRESIDENT AND YOUR REPRESENTATIVES WOULD TRY AND DO THAT TO YOU IS INEXCUSABLE. VOTE THEM OUT IN 2018.



Chuck Barris Was A Real Little Bitch



Chuck Barris has gone to the big Gong Show in the sky. I was on the Gong Show twice. The first time, I played the song "Classical Gas" flawlessly on a guitar behind the back of my head. Crowd went crazy. Two of the judges gave me 10. Chuck Woolery gave me a 9. That should have been enough to win with 29 points. However, a man in his 80's, came out blew badly on a harmonica and tried to dance while doing it. It was so awful, everybody decided to give him 10 each--30 points just to stir things up. The other time I designed to get gonged. I started out all dressed up, seriously singing in my best crooner voice "I've Grown Accustomed To Your Face," but then moved to the side where a person in a girl pig mask was sloppily devouring a watermelon. As I continued to romantically sing to her, the audience was screaming for the Gong. Which happened. I called the act "Eliot and Pigmalion." Some of you will get it. That aside, I will tell you my observations of having been there twice. The staff members called Barris "Little Napoleon" behind his back. This was an egomaniacal control freak in action every minute. This man would start arguments with all the talent, staff, he was a real little bitch.

STRANGE THINGS #6


STRANGE THINGS #6
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
Marshall Field's was the greatest department store on State Street in Downtown Chicago. Floors and floors of different upscale departments in an 1800's building attracted shoppers from all over the world. My mother would take my brother and I to the store on Saturdays to go window shopping--we could not afford anything. It still was delightful.
Marshall Field's had a clock theme. They had a clock out on State Street which became a famous meeting place. They had a clock hanging from the ceiling. And they had a HUGE clock built into the entire wall. There had never been a clock this size in any public building anywhere. When I was 7 or 8, I had a nightmare. I was standing on the 1st floor of Marshall Field's and observing the huge clock on the wall. Suddenly, the giant hands on the giant clock went out of control and were spiraling at fast speeds forward, and then backwards and then forward again, etc. It was very frightening and I woke up afraid. This was during the week. That Saturday, my mother took us downtown to Marshall Field's. We entered the store as usual. My mom and brother were looking around at merchandise. I gazed at the humongous clock up on the wall. That instant, the hands on the clock began spinning out of control. In a few seconds, the large hand swept around forward at a fantastic rate of speed, and then went backwards with the same uncontrollable force. I stood there frozen and terrified. The nightmare I had was happening in front of me. I stood there terrified until the hands finally after going back and forth numerous times, settled down into one position. I said nothing to my mother or brother. It was very frightening having relived a nightmare that nobody else was aware was going on. In many visits through the years, I never saw the hands on the clock move like that again. In 2006, Marshall Field's became Macy's despite large protests from generations of customers. The outside clock on State Street continues to be an icon. When I visited in 2010, I searched for the huge wall clock. No current employee ever knew of its existence. I cannot find one picture of it anywhere.

I WAS ABLE TO MATCH UP THIS 1940s PICTURE OF THE CORNERS OF PASS AVE. AND RIVERSIDE DRIVE IN BURBANK, CA

I WAS ABLE TO MATCH UP THIS 1940s PICTURE OF THE CORNERS OF PASS AVE. AND RIVERSIDE DRIVE IN BURBANK, CA NEAR WARNER BROS. STUDIOS WITH THE EXACT LOCATION NOW IN 2016. LOOKS LIKE A FASHIONABLE LADY IS OUT FOR A LUNCHTIME STROLL. WAIT A MINUTE--THAT'S RITA HAYWORTH!



ABC presented a very provocative and unique hypothesis in their new special "The Family Manson" which just aired.

ABC presented a very provocative and unique hypothesis in their new special "The Family Manson" which just aired. They believe that when Manson's music was ultimately rejected by Hollywood record executives (whom he met through the Beach Boys) that this was the linchpin that turned him into a mass murderer. I don't know if anybody working on that show was in any of my monthly film college Psychology classes in Los Angeles, but I presented that exact theory to almost 1000 students in 36 monthly classes over a 3-year period. I started out by showing a Beach Boys video from the late 1960's (when they changed their music with the times) and asked if anybody knew of a connection with this group and Charles Manson. Nobody ever knew. I emphasized that when Manson came to Los Angeles after the Summer Of Love, he had one goal. Becoming a musical superstar. When those dreams were destroyed (and there is no question--he wrote some outstanding music and lyrics that did get some attention from those who could make a difference) he became a monster motivated to exterminate others. I would also show them some paintings and just asked for opinions on these. People thought they were very detailed and commendable works of art. I would then reveal that when this painter had his dreams destroyed of becoming an artist, was rejected by a prominent Art School, he seemed to also go insane with murderous revenge. His name was Adolf Hitler. Killing the creative dreams of talented people can turn them into uncontrollable psychopaths. 



THE BOOT HAS BEEN VOTED OUT OF THE GAME MONOPOLY.



THE BOOT HAS BEEN VOTED OUT OF THE GAME MONOPOLY. I FIND THIS PARTICULARLY DEVASTATING. AS A CHILD, THE BOOT COULD BE USED FOR GREAT COMEDY EFFECT. I USE TO HAVE THE BOOT KICK OTHER PIECES.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY


PUBLIC STATEMENT MADE BY ELIOT OVER THE RADIO IN 1992:



PUBLIC STATEMENT MADE BY ELIOT OVER THE RADIO IN 1992:
"IF A CABLE CAN CARRY SOUND TO YOUR TV'S SPEAKER, THAT SPEAKER CAN BECOME A MICROPHONE AND SEND SOUND BACK AS WELL." IT TOOK 25 YEARS, BUT ELIOT WAS RIGHT ON THAT ONE.

THERE ARE TOO MANY CHOICES TO ENTERTAIN US THESE DAYS.



THERE ARE TOO MANY CHOICES TO ENTERTAIN US THESE DAYS.
MANY OF THE FOLKS ON HERE GREW UP WITH:
*3 TV NETWORKS AND ONE INDEPENDENT TV STATION ON THE FAMILY'S ONE B&W TV SET
*ONE AM RADIO STATION THAT PLAYED A WIDE VARIETY OF MUSIC
*A CRAPPY RECORD PLAYER WITH A LIMITED AMOUNT OF ALBUMS AND 45s
*MOVIES YOU COULD EXPECT TO ONLY SEE ONCE IN YOUR LIFE WHEN THEY WERE AT THE THEATERS
*COMIC BOOKS FROM JUST A FEW COMPANIES
*PINBALL MACHINES ONLY IN EATERIES IN CERTAIN CITIES
*BOARD GAMES OF YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS
*CHEAP GUITARS AND DRUMS FROM SEARS (PIANOS WERE AN EXPENSIVE LUXURY THAT FEW HAD)

WAS IT BETTER WITH FEWER CHOICES?

STRANGE THINGS #5

STRANGE THINGS #5
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
When I became a full-time professor at the Los Angeles Film School, I decided to decorate my entire office with posters of films I had seen 25+ times. I had many of them already framed and filled the walls completely--the only professor that did something like that. The film that I knew was missing was "Cinema Paradiso," the most incredible Italian-made story of a boy whose journey through manhood is integrated with motion pictures. If you love movies and haven't seen it, you are missing out on the Italian "Notebook." By the way, watch the ORIGINAL first and NOT the DIRECTOR'S CUT. I was about to order the poster from Amazon. On a weekend, I stopped at a thrift shop to look for a frame for it. Standard movie poster 27 x 41 frames are quite expensive and there are some real bargains on second hand frames if you can find them. I saw a pile of frames leaning against the wall on top of each other. I could see that one of them was a larger frame and that it could very well be a movie poster frame. It was. And somebody had left a movie poster already in it. It was "Cinema Paradiso."
 

IN 1967, THE FBI ATTENDED A MONKEES CONCERT

IN 1967, THE FBI ATTENDED A MONKEES CONCERT TO DETERMINE IF THE BAND WAS PARTICIPATING IN ANTI-VIETNAM PROTEST ACTIVITIES. HERE ARE THE REPORTS MADE UNCLASSIFIED--WHICH AS YOU CAN SEE, HAVE BEEN HEAVILY CENSORED. IT MUST HAVE BEEN DAVY JONES. HE DEFINITELY SEEMED THE MOST RADICAL.




FROM 1959--IT'S THE RICKY NELSON CUT-OUT PAPER DOLL BOOK!

FROM 1959--IT'S THE RICKY NELSON CUT-OUT PAPER DOLL BOOK!
PICTURE #1--THE COVER OF THE BOOK. RICKY HAS IMITATED BUDDY HOLLY BY PUTTING A LEATHER WRAP AROUND HIS GUITAR WITH HIS NAME ON IT. BUDDY ACTUALLY MADE HIS OWN. IN THIS CASE, MOM HARRIET MADE IT FOR HIM.
PICTURE #2--THESE ARE THE TWO RICKY DOLLS TO DRESS UP. RICKY MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY POPULAR YOUNG FELLOW AROUND HOLLYWOOD.
PICTURE #3--THESE ARE SOME CHOICES OF RICKY'S CLOTHING. THE JESTER--WHEN RICKY FORGOT HIS LINES OR MISSED HIS MARK, DAD OZZIE WOULD HAVE HIM PUT THIS ON AS PUNISHMENT.
PICTURE #4--RICKY GETS DRESSED UP FOR THE PROM WITH MARY LOU--OR WAS IT BETTY LOU--OR WAS IT CINDY LOU?



THE EARTH'S BIGGEST GROUP OF NARCISSISTS ARE UPSET

THE EARTH'S BIGGEST GROUP OF NARCISSISTS ARE UPSET THAT THE ONE DAY A YEAR THEY PRETEND IN FRONT OF THE WORLD TO BE DIGNIFIED CARING CITIZENS WAS RUINED--BEFORE THEY RETURN TO THEIR LIVES OF DEBAUCHERY, DRUGS, SEXUAL PERVERSIONS, FAMILY ABUSE, ALCOHOL, MENTAL ILLNESS, DEPRAVITY, IMMORALITY, DECADENCE, PROMISCUITY AND UNLAWFULNESS.
THIS WAS MY FAVORITE YEAR OF TOPPS BASEBALL CARDS--1962. SOMETHING ABOUT THE WOOD GRAIN BORDER REALLY MADE PLAYERS LOOK DISTINGUISHED.


STRANGE THINGS #4


STRANGE THINGS #4
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
The summer after I had turned 13, I attended a 3-week camp in Wisconsin Dells. The majority of campers came from Chicago. But there was a whole group of girls--from Wilmette suburb, who had known each other since grade school. I got to know this group after a few days, and about a week later, it was lunch time. I headed towards the mess hall and saw this group together talking outside. Except for one very noticeable thing. One of their clique was about 6 feet away on the ground, crying her eyes out--and they didn't even notice or care. I walked over to the girls and quietly said--"What...uh... is going on over there?" The reply came from one of the girls. "Naomi has had dreams all of her life that always come true. Last night she dreamed that her dog died." And the girls went back to chatting as if nothing was unusual. I was standing there feeling totally creeped out. The statement was made in such a nonchalant way as if it was just an average event. Camp in 1966 was very different than now. There was no phone communications allowed between parents and campers. Campers were in the wilderness and the only thing allowed was letters from family and friends. Two days later Naomi received a letter from her parents that her dog had died.

FOR SOME REASON, I CAN IMAGINE JOHNNY CARSON DOING TRUMP SKETCHES

FOR SOME REASON, I CAN IMAGINE JOHNNY CARSON DOING TRUMP SKETCHES


STRANGE THINGS #3

STRANGE THINGS #3
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
In the mid-1980's, my company was dominating and was the sole supplier of showbiz content to all of the major online services. I was contacted by a company that wanted to take all of our information and turn it into audio features for a new nationwide phone service. They asked that I come down and meet with their exec and main technical person. After meeting with the exec, I spent 30 minutes with a very nice fellow who discussed all the technical ends with me for supplying them with audio features. He was about 5 years older than me and we got along very well. I can still picture him. It was a Friday late afternoon. We agreed to finish the discussion via phone on Monday--but he told me that he didn't know when he would be in. He was a scuba diving enthusiast and was right now running to the airport for a weekend scuba expedition in Florida but would be back sometimes on Monday. When we finished talking I said goodbye and then he said goodbye--but at that moment--a strong, disturbing feel of dread enveloped me physically--to the point that I had stopped smiling--and he noticed my sudden strange look and fear. I exited quickly because I had no explanation. On late Monday morning I called his office asking for him and was connected to an exec. "Eliot, I have some sad news." The man I had only known for 30 minutes had died in a scuba accident in Florida over the weekend.

DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!


STRANGE THINGS #2


STRANGE THINGS #2
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
About 10 years ago, I found a VHS tape that had some cartoons called "Clutch Cargo." This was a very weird series that was shown on WGN in Chicago when I was a boy. The thing that made it so odd, was that although a cartoon, they had filmed actual human mouths moving and synchronized that into the frame. It looked really weird and awkward and we all used to make fun of it. After seeing it as a boy, I never saw or heard of Clutch again until I found this tape. This series never made it to TV again. A few days after finding the tape, I watched it one night and again enjoyed its strangeness. The very next evening, I went to hear a man speak who had worked in many presidential administrations and was now a writer and speaker. He was very interesting to listen to. My mind drifted for a second and I thought, "It sure was funny seeing Clutch Cargo after all this time,"...when THAT INSTANT...the man who was speaking said "There was a unique cartoon TV series back in the 60's called Clutch Cargo..." At that moment, I totally FREAKED. I could only think "What's going on here? Is this a dream?" and I had corresponding physical reactions to what just happened. The man went on to use the human mouths in the cartoon characters as a metaphor...but I was still shaken by the timing and coincidence of the situation.

STRANGE THINGS #1

STRANGE THINGS #1
I will be presenting a series of some odd, weird, bizarre, strange things that have happened in my life.
Sometimes in the 1990's, we got this exciting new TV package with zillions of stations. One night I went scrolling through them all for a few seconds each. I never watch football. No interest, ever. I came across some game that had not yet started. The announcers were talking and the camera was panning from one side of the field to the other. As it scrolled from right to left, I noticed the huge bank of lights and how bright they were. "I wonder what would happen if they suddenly blew out?" I asked myself. That second, there were sparks in the intense bank of lights and the entire grid went dark. I was stunned. The announcer reacted and said the game was going to be delayed now until they fix that--and I could not believe what just happened!

WHAT IS VALENTINE'S DAY WITH OUT CANDY MESSAGE HEARTS? I CREATED THESE FOR DONALD:

WHAT IS VALENTINE'S DAY WITH OUT CANDY MESSAGE HEARTS? I CREATED THESE FOR DONALD: