"This is Dick Clark Saying, ..."What? Oh My God!"

" Hi Everybody! Today on Bandstand we've got Fabian, Annette and special guest Adam Lambert who will participate in S&M bondage and then simulate oral sex acts! Then we'll RATE-A-RECORD."


As you've probably heard or seen by now, Adam Lambert appeared on the Dick Clark Productions-produced and ABC-Disney owned broadcast of the American Music Awards performing a musical number containing S&M bondage and simulated oral sex acts.
It was broadcast live to all of the country except the West Coast.

Dick Clark Productions spent the day getting the video taken down on YouTube and even any unknown sites that were featuring it.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are hiding in Pluto's Dog House until the storm blows over.

At this rate, Dick Clark is not going to make it to another New Year's Eve.

Condoleezza Rice

I went to hear former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speak tonight. She spoke for 45 minutes and answered prepared questions for another 45. She was very charismatic and at times even had the place laughing loudly.

She believes that the U.S. must stay in Afghanistan and greatly increase the number of troops over there. She says this is due to the threat of terrorists who continue to plot against our country.

When asked if China is going to overtake us as the world's major economic power, she said that if we continue to follow unsound economic policies, than it will.

What she did not comment on is the fact that the U.S. has almost completely lost its entire manufacturing base to China. What do you have that doesn't say "Made In China" on it?
Those millions of jobs in manufacturing ARE NOT coming back. And that's why we are in the mess we've been in for a couple of years. Americans without jobs are people who cannot go out and purchase products and services, thereby creating subsequent layoffs in a continuing spiral.

On a lighter note, she revealed how George W. managed to get a strike when he threw the first ball at a major league baseball game. "He practiced that over and over," said Condee.

I Figured Out Sarah Palin Today

After listening to Sarah Palin speak for 30 minutes on a talk show today, I finally figured out why many Americans think she is just so special.

1. Almost every statement she makes is some platitude she picked up somewhere else and is so simplistic that it appeals to people's emotions rather than their logic.

2. She speaks about politics/history/economics on a 9th grade level. It is so shallow and devoid of any depth--it appeals perfectly to the same Americans that think the Reader's Digest is a scholarly and intellectual journal.

THAT'S SICK

Those of you over 30 grew up learning that the meaning of something being "sick" is that it is creepy, crude, in bad taste, gross and shocking. If you are under 30, you know that the term "sick" now means really "cool." (Just wait until your parents start using the newer term, you'll abandon it faster than your Miley Cyrus records and claim you never used the word in your life)

A wave of humor swept America in the innocent early 1960's. Spurred on by good feelings about JFK, Mad Magazine, classic TV sitcoms, novelty records, an abundance of comedy films and funny trading cards, it was not long before some really "sick" jokes started circulating among schoolchildren nationwide.

When they are the first three sick jokes you've heard, you don't forget them:

"Besides that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

"Q: How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
A: She moved the furniture around"

"A group of boys ring a doorbell.
Mother: Hello Boys.
Boys: Can Jimmy come out and play?
Mother: But you know Jimmy has no arms and legs.
Boys: That's OK. We just wanted to use him as second base."

Of course, these days if you told such jokes as a child in school:
some Federal Agency would be there in 5 minutes taking reports;
the child would be placed in some "sensitivity" workshop;
other children's parents would sue because their children suffered emotional distress;
Al Sharpton would be flown in to lecture to the children, parents and community.

The Lincoln joke these days would be called "historically inappropriate."

I came across a site with some very sick little cartoons.
And you also won't be able to stop yourself from bursting out laughing at these:

http://channelate.com/2009/06/17/stop-fighting/

A Federal Judge Correctly Follows The Constitution

A Federal judge has correctly ruled that South Carolina's one-religion only license plate is a violation of the First Amendment and may not be issued on automobiles.

The state's Lt. Governor and a few legislators are incensed by the ruling and even issued statements about how furious they are. After all--when asked if other religions would be issued special license plates as well--they refused to get involved with that. Apparently, only one religion is good enough for the state of South Carolina.

I expected that a Federal court would respect the clear separation of church and state we are privileged to have in this country and rule as they did.

But just in case, I prepared these plates for South Carolina.

Not An Ounce Of Compassion In These People

Now that the House has passed the Health Care Bill, Fox News has turned up the steam all the way to try and prevent it from successfully leaving the Senate and landing on the President's desk. With headlines like:

"WILL HEALTH VOTE DOOM DEMS?
Democrats will suffer at the polls for their vote in favor of sweeping health care reform package"

Fox News is now targeting both Senators and Congressman outright threatening their longevity if they continue to support the plan.

Fox News prefers an America where sick, hungry and homeless people line the streets of our cities. After all, these people don't deserve free health care. They got themselves into these situations and they need to get themselves out--without Americans providing for their health and well being.

Roger Ailes and the rest of his cronies need to watch "Groundhog Day" and develop some humanity and compassion in their lives--which they clearly don't have.

Tis The Season For Religious Nuts

Every November and December, the religious nuts come out in force and demand special rights and privileges. They are ignorant of the Constitution and could care less about the rights of other members of the community.

A California woman has decided that the best way to force her religion on others is by creating a ballot proposition.

I thought it was a joke when I heard that a woman has filed for a petition to require PUBLIC schools in California to offer Christmas religious music in classrooms and assemblies.
If she can get 500,000 signatures it would be placed in a statewide election.
If such a proposition was actually voted in favor of, it would take about 24 hours for a court to rule that it violates the First Amendment.

But it is amusing watching the efforts.

Here is the actual text (this is real):

Article 1.5. Freedom to Present Christmas Music in Public School Classrooms or
Assemblies
52710. The people of Califomia find and declare both of the following:
(a) Listening to, or performing, Christmas music during the holiday season is a
longstanding American tradition and a significant element of our cultural heritage as
Americans.
(b) The parents and guardians ofpublic school children should have the right to
decide whether or not their children may hear Christmas music in the classrooms and
assemblies at those schools.
52711. As used in this article, "Christmas music" includes, but is not necessarily
limited to, carols, songs, and instrumental works whose subject matter relates to the
celebration ofthe Christmas holiday or to the season during which that holiday is
observed.
52712. (a) Each public elementary and secondary school shall provide
opportunities to its pupils for listening to or performing Christmas music at an
appropriate time ofyear. The appreciation or performance ofthe Christmas music may
be incorporated into the subject matter of an arts or social studies class, presented for
cultural enrichment during a school assembly, or both.

(b) Each public elementary and secondary school shall provide the parent or
guardian ofa pupil with written notice of the presentation or performance of Christmas
music in a classroom or assembly at least 21 calendar days before that pupil would be
required to be present for the presentation or performance of the Christmas music. The
written notice provided to the parent or guardian shall include a tear-off slip or other
method for the parent or guardian to inform the school if he or she chooses that the
pupil not be present for the presentation or performance of the Christmas music.

I THINK I WILL SUBMIT MY OWN PETITION FOR A SIMILAR LAW:

Article 1.5. Freedom to Present Hare Krishna Music in Public School Classrooms or
Assemblies
52710. The people of Califomia find and declare both of the following:
(a) Listening to, or performing, Hare Krishna music is a
longstanding American tradition and a significant element of our cultural heritage as
Americans.
(b) The parents and guardians of public school children should have the right to
decide whether or not their children may hear Hare Krishna music in the classrooms and
assemblies at those schools.
52711. As used in this article, "Hare Krishna music" includes, but is not necessarily
limited to, chants, mantras, songs, dances and instrumental works whose subject matter relates to the celebration of Hare Krishna.
52712. (a) Each public elementary and secondary school shall provide
opportunities to its pupils for listening to or performing Hare Krishna music at an
appropriate time of year. The appreciation or performance of Hare Krishna music may
be incorporated into the subject matter of an arts or social studies class, presented for
cultural enrichment during a school assembly, or both.
(b) Each public elementary and secondary school shall provide the parent or
guardian of a pupil with written notice of the presentation or performance of Hare Krishna
music in a classroom or assembly at least 21 calendar days before that pupil would be
required to be present for the presentation or performance of the Hare Krishna music. The
written notice provided to the parent or guardian shall include a tear-off slip or other
method for the parent or guardian to inform the school if he or she chooses that the
pupil not be present for the presentation or performance of the Hare Krishna music.

Some People Think They Have Special Rights

A man in Michigan has filed a suit against the county he lives in over a Nativity scene which his family has placed in a public area of the street for the last 60 years. Last year, the county was advised that if the tradition continued that they would be the target of a First Amendment "separation of church and state" lawsuit. They informed the man that he would not be allowed to put up his Nativity scene ever again on a public street median owned by all members of the community. The man has decided that he apparently has special rights to force his religion on all members of the community.

Even though the community is made up of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Atheists, Agnostics and those that want nothing to do with religion, the man feels that his religion should be given special treatment and forced upon all members of the public for the next two months as they have to drive by it. It's not good enough that he can place the 3-D depiction of his religious fantasies on the property of his own church, he believes that public property is the only place where it belongs.

I hereby demand that the true creator of the universe, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, be given the same special treatment that this man believes he is entitled to. I want this realistic painting of His Noodleness to be placed on the public street median in the town of Warren, Michigan immediately. For it is only the Flying Spaghetti Monster who loves all of mankind and causes them to be divinely inspired for truth, justice and the American way.



Should a court decide his way (I highly doubt that will happen), it will become necessary to demand equal space on the public street median in Warren, Michigan for the presence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.